What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 09:02
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He knew the spot.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What is the reason for The Acolyte (2024 series) having poor reception among Star Wars fans?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
‘Amazing Worlds of Science Fiction and Science Fact’ Review: An Education in Exoplanets - WSJ
All the time i was locked up.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
At 53, Jennie Garth Poses in Her First-Ever Underwear Campaign - instyle.com
This is soul school!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why do I like to eat my own cum?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What was the first Native American tribe to inhabit Long Island, NY?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So whats the point in blame.
We all went to grammer schools
Former Red Sox All-Star Designated For Assignment One Day After Season Debut - NESN
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She loved him until the end.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
S&P 500 to Soar on Fading Tariffs Impact, Analysts Say - Barron's
She was in good health!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What would happen if Kakashi and Naruto switched places?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im still living with it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She married twice! .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I dreamt my mother had died and I cried so much in my dream. What does it mean?
I was seconnd youngest,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I don,t even have a pension.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Who then, do I blame.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I waited trembling.
Especially a lifetime of it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was 9 years of age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But it wasn’t much.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Put me off passion for life!!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
(And it was in our own minds.)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Would this be the day?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was scared of men, in general
And i lived it daily.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I will be 64.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I said to her
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She found it foreign!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was very sick at this time too.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why did i forgive my father ?
My family never makes their pension either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She wouldn,t have been !
Comes on , in middle age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ive learnt so much.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I have no regrets .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
What did i know ?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But ive been too sick for many years..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So, i spoilt her more .
When she asked me how she looked .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I think the readers, may guess!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But, we were locked up after school.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It was going to be , some day.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We were not on the streets..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I write beautiful poetry .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.